Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
