Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
