The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I cockslap morals
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
