If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
