See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
