never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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