sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
