is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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