Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
