On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
