dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
