a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
