New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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