woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize