i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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