You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
