why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
