How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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