You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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