He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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