A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
