So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
