Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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