i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
