I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
