I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
