I can text with my tongue
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
