so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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