His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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