First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
