I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
