i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There's always time for handjobs
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
