I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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