okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
