he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
