Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
