Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
