I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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