I just saw a hot homeless man
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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