you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
