OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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