highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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