Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
