Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
