WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
