I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
