The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
