I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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