Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
