how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
