question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
