She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
