On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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